A Life of Love, a Love of Life

February 13, 2026

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to share one of the most romantic stories in Jewish tradition. It’s from a midrash on the Song of Songs: 

Rabbi Idi said: There was an incident involving a certain woman in Tzidon who stayed with her husband ten years and did not give birth. They came to Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai and sought to separate from one another. He said to them: “By your lives, just as you came together with food and drink, so too, you shall separate only with food and drink.” They followed his advice and made a celebration for themselves, made a great feast, and [the woman] got [her husband] to drink in excess. When he was in good spirits, he said to her: “My dear, see any good item that I have in the house, take it, and go [back] to your father’s house.” What did she do? After he fell asleep, she motioned to her servants and maidservants and said to them: “Carry him in his bed and take him to my father’s house.” At midnight he awakened from his slumber after his wine had abated. He said to her: “My dear, where am I?” She said to him: “In my father’s house.” He said to her: “What am I doing in your father’s house?” She said to him: “Is this not what you said to me in the evening: See any good item that I have in the house, take it, and go to your father’s house? There is no item in this world better for me than you.” They went to Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai and he stood and prayed for them and they were remembered [and conceived a child] (Shir HaShirim Rabbah 1:4:8).

In order to fully understand the story, you should know that according to Jewish law, it is an obligation for a man to have children. In talmudic times, if a man married a woman and they didn’t have a child for ten years, they were required to divorce and find other spouses to procreate with. So in our story, the couple is being forced to separate due to their infertility. But because of their great love for each other, and because of the wife’s ingenuity, they defy the law and are rewarded by divine intervention so that they can conceive a child and live happily ever after.

I love this story, not just because it’s romantic and funny, but because it’s subversive. In Jewish law, especially when it comes to laws of marriage and divorce, the woman is the passive party. She is acquired through marriage by the husband, and only the husband can initiate a divorce. It is the husband, not the wife, who is the one required to be fruitful and multiply, even though he clearly can’t do much multiplying without her! But here is this woman from Tzidon taking matters into her own hands. When her husband says, “take anything you like from the house” as a sort of divorce settlement, she takes him literally and takes him, literally! In so doing, she demonstrates that her love is stronger than this law. 

Shimon bar Yochai, the great rabbinic sage, also serves a surprisingly subversive role. It appears that even he doesn’t think this couple ought to be forced to separate just because they haven’t been able to conceive a child. He sends them off to throw a divorce party, suggesting that their love is still something to be celebrated even as the marriage is about to end. But we could also read it as a stalling tactic, a part of a larger plan, in which Shimon bar Yochai knows that God just might intervene if given the chance. Actually, when I studied this text with a group of older adults many years ago, they were unanimous in reading it a different way: they all agreed that Shimon bar Yochai knew that by throwing a divorce party, the couple would no longer feel the pressure or anxiety about conceiving a child, and would then be able to conceive. So Shimon bar Yochai is less a prophet than a fertility doctor. However we read Shimon bar Yochai’s role in the story, it’s clear that even though he’s a rabbi and therefore an arbiter and enforcer of the law, he is on the couple’s side, not on the side of an ill-advised or unjust law. It turns out that even 1500 years ago, people realized that legislating procreation is a bad idea. And for what it’s worth, though the halakhah about divorcing after 10 years without conceiving is still technically on the books, not even Orthodox authorities enforce it today. 

This Shabbat is Reproductive Rights Shabbat, or Repro Shabbat for short. Five years ago, the National Council for Jewish Women (NCJW) instituted this day to raise awareness about reproductive freedom as a Jewish value. Repro Shabbat is always held on the Shabbat when we read Parashat Mishpatim, which includes the verses that form the basis for the Jewish understanding of reproductive rights. As we read tonight, “When [two or more] parties fight, and one of them pushes a pregnant woman and a miscarriage results, but no other damage ensues, [the one responsible] shall be fined…But if other damage ensues, the penalty shall be life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, [and] foot for foot” (Ex. 21:22-24). This seems like a simple law, one that couldn’t possibly have far-reaching consequences, but in Jewish tradition, it demonstrates a fundamental understanding of pregnancy that informs much of Jewish law about reproduction. Notice that if a pregnant woman is pushed in an altercation and suffers a miscarriage, the offender has to pay a fine. But if a pregnant woman herself dies, the offender is executed. It is clear that to the biblical author, a fetus is not regarded as a full person. In later texts, the Sages argue that a fetus is considered a part of a woman’s body up until it is born. Therefore, when a pregnant person’s life or health is in danger, she may, and in some cases must, terminate the pregnancy. Today, many Jewish scholars, even Orthodox ones, extend the notion of pikuach nefesh, saving a life, to include the preservation of mental health, well-being, or even happiness of a pregnant person, and therefore allow abortion for a number of reasons.  As the NCJW argues, “Judaism offers a critical perspective on reproductive freedom that is too often unheard in our public discourse. Repro Shabbat is a time for communities and individuals to connect, educate, and activate towards a more just future.” You can learn more about how to get involved with NCJW’s work on their website, ncjw.org. 

The story I began with notwithstanding, Judaism recognizes that we don’t live in a fairy tale world. Some people don’t get married and live happily ever after. Some couples can’t have children or don’t want to have children. Some pregnancies are unplanned, and some pregnancies don’t go according to plan. The best of Jewish tradition acknowledges the unavoidable messiness of being human, and maintains that there are any number of ways to live a life of meaning and purpose. The essential component is love.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks writes, “Judaism was the first religion in history to place love at the heart of the spiritual life: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might. Love your neighbour. Love the stranger. And what we love most – because that is where God is to be found – is life itself. That is our greatest strength…. That’s why our greatest prayer on [Yom Kippur] is: “Write us in the Book of Life.” We don’t ask for wealth or fame, stardom or success. We don’t pray to be spared trials and tribulations. We just ask for life. That is what Judaism is: a life of love and a love of life. All the rest is commentary.”

On this Repro Shabbat and Valentine’s Day, that’s what I wish for all of us: a life of love and a love of life. 

Resources:

 https://outorah.org/p/85815/

 A fetus is considered as its mother’s thigh (Gittin 23b); After all, it is part of her body (Arachin 7a).

 Mishnah Ohalot 7:6, Mishneh Torah, Murderer and the Preservation of Life 1:9.

Rabbi Ben Zion Chai Uziel, Responsa Mishaptei Uziel 4:46, Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein, “Abortion: A Halakhic Perspective,” Tradition 25:4 (1991)